Tuesday, August 24, 2010

But is she working enough?

At quarter past eleven I'm here grading papers. The rest of my family is sleeping. I am incredibly envious. I waver, as I do every night, between rest and work. Most nights I work, but I'm tired, unfocused, impatient, and uncreative. I hate night work. I'm a morning person.

The same old discussion surfaced again tonight, and the usual fallout has me angrier than usual. It's the "we don't have enough money" talk, but it should really be called the "I don't make enough money" talk. Because I don't. The kids should be in daycare, and I should be making money. One of those lucrative teaching or administrative jobs. You know, those jobs they're waving at adjuncts and career students? Yeah, one of those great jobs.

Every time I number-crunch, the answer is a no-brainer. Making $13/hour, full-time, I would make enough to cover childcare, I think. Um, please? I would be working so that...someone else could be working to watch my children? Isn't that just a little nutty?

So I adjunct-teach one course right now, via the internet, and it helps. It really helps. But I am exhausted. Really exhausted. It looks like I'll try to pick up more classes, though I don't know how I'll actually teach them. We need the money.

Don't get me going about pay for adjuncts. It's untenable for teachers, a bargain for schools: that's the politest way I can describe it.

My point is that I'm the one that's "not working," and so I really should be working more, since I'm the one who's just having fun with the kids all day. It's only fair that I should burn the midnight oil. I know he likes his job, and works full-time, which is plenty. When is what I do considered "plenty"? Well, when I get a DAMN JOB, apparently.

I'm having a hard time with this. How much more am I supposed to do in order to do "my share"? I think I'm supposed to try to get my eves and weekends job back so we can all be miserable all over again. Oh yeah, I forgot. That was really great. It was really great, having enough money. I forgot how much fun that was.